A Fear Of The Unkown

 Who would have thought that losing over 3 stone would result in this? Here I am, a nervous wreck, simply because the inevitable has happened. I am getting smaller and the thought of a size 14 now being able to fit me absolutely terrifies me.

Yes, I'm completely aware that I sound ridiculous, but it really isn't as simple as it appears. All my adult life, I have been the sizes 16 to 20, and even though I hated the idea that I had to shop for "plus sizes" (for the record I hate that the average size 16 is considered a "plus size") there was a familiarity of knowing that was what I always was.

Now though, my jeans no longer fit, and they slide down my backside revealing a little too much "smile" even with a belt. I try to reason with myself, it has taken months of dedication to lose the first 3 stone and I feel incredible. My skin has started to glow and I'm a much happier person, yet still the thought of going into a shop and surveying a size 14 seems alien to me.

I know that I'm not going to give up on my new healthy eating regime, and I have started to enjoy exercise. So that won't stop, but there is a definite hurdle when it comes to new clothes. I really do believe though that I have to "bite the bullet".

I may be becoming slimmer and more confident, and I'm learning to love my body. However, deep inside of me, I will always be the "big girl". The one who had to accept that she was never going to be anything particularly special. It is all I have ever known, and I don't think it's necessarily the size 14 jeans that scare me. What scares me is the knowledge that I can no longer hide behind the fat! A fear of the unknown!